HUMMINGBIRDS Robert Cording p. 1991 ========================== I don't know when I lost The pleasure of the decorous red throat, The wings whirring so fast The bird could stop mid- Air and sip from the two red feeders Hung like lanterns above My mother's small bed Of zinnias and marigolds. My mother Loved that hummingbird and, Resting, waited for it To draw its straight line in air, a compass Needle pointing the way In summer's labyrinth. For me, the blur of its need insisted On becoming a reminder Of how small the heart is, How fragile. As a child, I found one Barely moving, lying on September's whitened grass. My mother and I warmed it inside our hands, Blew our breath across Its feathers, fed it Sweetened water. I believed we'd saved it, That the cold air That hummingbird flew away on Would only get warmer . . . My mother dressed Herself with nitroglycerin. "Watch yourself," She would say, "you have my heart, you know." Always that voice that kept me Her child. All those years I spent making a life apart from her, denying Resemblances I saw in mirrors. Even the way she avoided Pictures, ashamed of her weight, of her Broken vows to help herself, Became a reminder Of my history of living from one hope to Another, the past strewn With lofty resolves. I saw my mother wipe the future from her Eyes: "I want to see My grandchildren." And then, "I'll be okay, this time. The operation will Fix me." I'd look at the line Of scars already Dividing her chest, remember how her heart Once beat so fast It stopped, and I'd agree. That summer I told my mother all I knew About hummingbirds. They can Chase away crows, Even hawks, and somehow manage to fly Five to six hundred miles, Three-inch bodies Suspended over oceans. When they mate, The male flares From side to side like a pendulum, his gorget glowing, Time stopped for the female. I talked as if My stories of toughness, of success, of love Could begin the healing Of what we would not let Ourselves believe might be irreparable, Unable to be saved. ======== ** contributory thanks to Sam Droege ** ======== ========